pictures or whatever.

Thought process of substance abuse

[ I'm writing a quick second person story type of deal before I go to the drive in movies.. so bear with me. ]

You wake up in your bed at 3:00 in the afternoon.. your vision is hazy and even though you know that you've been sleeping a long time, you're tired.

You hear the high-pitch ring of the TV in the livingroom... An action movie? some woman just yelled and cried out.. You cant really tell.

You're stressed out because your job sucks, and you're afraid of how to deal with it,
You're stressed out because the person you love sucks and you're afraid of how to deal with them,
You're stressed out because your week sucked and you're afraid of how to deal with it in the future,
You're stressed out because your day sucked and you're afraid of how to deal with it in the future,
You're stressed out because your month sucked and you're afraid of how to deal with it in the future,
You're stressed out because your year sucked and you're afraid of how to deal with it in the future,
You're stressed out because your life sucks and you're afraid of how to deal with it,

You remember the pills you stole about a month back, 'saving for a rainy day' you remember thinking when you first stole them...

You contemplate taking those pills, and a few dozen thoughts flash through your mind-- Is today that rainy day?-- Did your mother know what she meant when she said "save for rainy days"? What is the president's role in your life and how has he effected you to pop pills?

"What?!" you think, "I'm a druggie!?"
... "When did it happen? when did it come to this?"...
Believe me.. it started when you first took those pills.. last year.. or was it the time before that when you drank enough mountain dew that your hands twitched? Or did it all start when you took some asprin when you really didnt need it?

Did it start when you first took asprin?
Did it start when you took the 'good' pills?
Or...
Did it start when you even remotely considered taking asprin for emotional pain?

Theres the meat of the matter; Asprin is only guaranteed for physical pain -- NOT emotional pain, thats why it never seemed to work.

When do you feel like quitting?
Does this mean that you should give up caffine too?
Does this mean that you should not enjoy yourself when you ride fast in your car?
Does this mean you shouldnt enjoy it when you get a kiss?

No.. those are the good things in life.. and what of the bad?
Does this mean you shouldnt enjoy it everytime you cut someone down to size?
Does this mean you shouldnt enjoy being malicous?-- wait.

Does this even mean you shouldnt be malicious at all?

Does this mean that all of those religious nuts where right all along?

Maybe.

Now, away from your thoughts and back to your actions...

You get up and go to your 'stash', you find your small bag of pills right where you left it, under your desk, in a small little hole under a drawer.

....and here it comes..

....Whats your decision?

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